I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize