Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
