have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just found puke in my bra..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
