I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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