the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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