Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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