I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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