Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
