Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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