we're blogging at a bar
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
