Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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