I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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