He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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