he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
