You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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