if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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