Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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