Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
