i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
