Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
