Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
