If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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