i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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