Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
