My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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