your parents love me but you hate me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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