I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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