Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
