I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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