It's Friday. Sex?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
