i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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