I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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