you didnt know i had herpes?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
