I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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