I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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