Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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