No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
