I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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