I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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