Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
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You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
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Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
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