I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
