You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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