I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
