Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
