it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
