he puts the penis in happiness.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
