I will die if light touches me.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize
