so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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