i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
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Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
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The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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