Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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