she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
