it was like his penis was on wheels.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
