The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
