He felt like a one man threesome
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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