I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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