I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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