i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
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And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
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My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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