Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
