he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
